Feeling Stuck In Your 30s or 40s? Ask Yourself These Six Questions Before Your Next Career Move

Have you ever found yourself staring at your computer at work, thinking: This can’t be all there is to life. If you’re in your 30s or 40s and feeling stuck in your career, you’re not alone.

Some people find their passion and calling early. The rest of us are fortunate if we check off most of our boxes. Despite this, we may feel stuck, restless, and uncertain. You’re likely competent in your job, you’ve checked all the life “boxes,” and yet still feel a restless itch.

Your job might feel safe and reasonably well-paid, but underneath, there’s a quiet longing for something different. Part of you may even feel guilty for wanting more. Heck, you’re not even really sure what you want to do, what would make you happy or fulfilled. Maybe you’re safer just staying put…

Yet that feeling of wanting something else, something bigger or just different, remains.

Now, midway through your career, you may want a change – you want to find your thing – but feel trapped by familiar stories:

• Sunk cost: “I’ve already put in 10–15 years. I can’t just throw that away.”
• Fear of regret: “What if I make another move and still end up unhappy?”
• Feeling behind: “I’m too old to switch careers or start a business.”
• Guilt: “I should be happy, plenty of people would kill to be where I’m at!”

I know this loop well. I’ve spent years fighting off feelings of discontent while simultaneously reminding myself how lucky I am to be where I am. Even still, I yearn for something that will bring me the type of meaning and purpose I dream of.

Over time, I realized something crucial: finding your path won’t come from combing job boards or scrambling to come up with a business idea. Rather than fixating on the “next thing,” you must first look inward. Only by evaluating and present experiences, will you be able to gain clarity on your career goals, strengths, values, and interests

Why Many Mid-Career Professionals Feel Lost

When you’re feeling stuck — in life and work — your instinct may be to look outward and upward. Maybe you’re chasing promotions, earning professional certificates, or casually perusing job listings. Or maybe you feel stagnant in your industry, and so you’re considering graduate programs, side hustles, or even considering launching your own business.

Common reasons for this “stuckness,” which plagues many millennials, are rooted in shifting values and a disconnect between our goals and reality. What mattered to you a decade ago very well may not matter to you as much anymore.

Moreover, we were raised believing that if we worked hard, we’d fall into a satisfying career and life. We were taught that following this prescribed path would lead to fulfillment.

And yet, after checking all the boxes, you may wake up wondering why it still doesn’t feel like enough. Feeling stuck in your 30s or 40s is not only totally normal but a reasonable side effect of society’s messages.

The Problem With Focusing Only on “What’s Next?”

From a young age, we’re trained to strive for the “next step.” High school, college, grad school — and then the workforce. With every milestone celebrated, we’re tacitly taught that by achieving more, we’re one step closer to “making it.” As if life is some board game to be won or lost.

At some point, you hit a point of stagnation. Perhaps you’re bored, disinterested, or disillusioned by work or the world, in general. At this point, most people start to look outward and ask, “What should I do next?” or “What’s my next move?”

The issue is that by focusing exclusively on the “what’s next,” you’re looking at the problem through a flawed lens. If you’re overly focused on your next step, you’re missing the biggest piece of the puzzle. You’re missing core insights into yourself, your truest self.

When you shift your attention inward, opportunities can be evaluated through the lens of alignment rather than impulse. You begin to trust your decisions because they reflect your identity, values, and energy — not just what seems practical or appealing on the surface.

By engaging in meaningful self-reflection, you can learn to connect with what truly matters to you and aligns with your values. You don’t need to “have it all figured out.” In fact, if you can approach self-inquiry with an open mind, you may find the answers more surprising and insightful.

Six Core Questions to Find Direction When You Feel Lost In Your 30s, 40s, and Beyond

If you’re feeling lost or stuck in your current situation, before considering your next move, try stepping back and answering these six questions. These questions are designed to help you understand your values, strengths, and clarity on what truly matters.

Question 1: What Energizes Me?

Think broadly about situations — at work or in your personal life — where you’ve felt most alive. What types of work draw you in so deeply that you lose track of time? Are there projects, tasks, or activities that you gravitate toward naturally?

Consider the tasks you look forward to or the ones you’d tackle first if given the choice. Examples might include: creative work, collaborating with others, writing policy, being outdoors, working with your hands, solving complex problems, mentoring, or engaging in meaningful dialogue.

Question 2: What Drains Me?

We all have activities or environments that leave us exhausted or frustrated. I’m not saying you should avoid everything you dislike — for example, I hate public speaking but recognize its value. There is value in leaning into hard things, but you must understand what completely zaps your energy and why.

Instead, focus on repeated patterns where you feel disengaged, bored, or unfulfilled. Maybe it’s endless meetings, rigid routines, or environments that lack meaningful connection. Identifying these patterns helps you understand what to minimize in your future work.

Question 3: What Environments Do I Thrive In?

We all operate better in certain environments. Some people thrive on structure, others need flexibility. Some prefer remote work, others excel in collaborative offices.

Reflect on whether you work best solo, in teams, or a mix. Think about rhythms, processes, or cultures that bring out your best. For example, I hate messy chaos and prefer order and calm, so certain jobs would never be a fit for me.

Question 4: What Do I Value Most?

Values are your inner compass. Ask yourself: What matters most to me, even when no one is watching? How do I want to be remembered in work or life? What contributions would give me lasting fulfillment?

Examples might include: being remembered as kind, empathetic, or inspiring; positively impacting others’ lives; creating meaningful experiences; or supporting growth and connection in others.

Question 5: What Skills Come More Naturally to Me?

We all have natural talents. This doesn’t mean you can’t learn new skills, but leveraging what you’re already good at gives you a head start.

If this feels tough, think about compliments or feedback you’ve received over the years. Consider the tasks colleagues or managers tend to rely on you for. Include both hard and soft skills. Don’t sell yourself short — these strengths can guide your next move.

For those who feel “good at nothing,” I want you to ask yourself this: What do people typically ask you for help with? What comes “easily” to you, but may be hard for others?

Question 6: What do I Want To Embody In Your Work?

This isn’t about skills or job duties. It’s about the qualities and energy you want to bring to everything you do.

To answer this, it helps to first complete questions 1–5. Think about how you want to show up in life and work. What experience do you want others to have through you?

For example:

• Someone might want to embody integrity and clarity, so colleagues always know they’ll get the truth.
• Another might focus on creativity and courage, being known for fresh ideas and bold steps.
• Or it could be empathy and steadiness, being the person others rely on during stressful moments.

Understanding what you want to embody is less about what you do and more about who you are while doing it.

Ok, now here comes the hard part: Do the work. Spend an hour, and sit down to answer these questions one by one. Pause, take a walk, and reflect. Then, let’s talk about how to actually apply this to your life.

How to Use These Answers

Once you’ve reflected on the six core questions, use your insights as a guide for making decisions. Ask yourself about any opportunity, commitment, or change:

• Does it energize me or drain me?
• Does this align with my values?
• Does it fit the environments where I thrive?

Notice patterns in your answers: recurring activities that excite you, situations that drain you, and values that consistently surface. Let these patterns guide your choices in work and life.

Start small. Say “yes” to opportunities that fit, and practice saying “no” to those that don’t. Build a routine of reflection — journaling for five to ten minutes a day or checking in with yourself before new commitments. Over time, this creates a feedback loop that keeps your life aligned with who you truly are.

Don’t worry about making any choices on your “next move” right now. You’ve done the hard work of unearthing your true values, strengths, and desires. At this point, start merely exploring potential options by taking small, low-risk steps. Maybe you take a free online class, pick up a new book, get involved in a challenging project, or start a new hobby.

Common Roadblocks & Solutions

If you’ve made it this far, I hope you’re starting to feel inspired to take the next step in your life pivot. If you’re like most people, the mindset shift can be daunting and scary. Your mind will likely want to pull you back into the old narratives you have written, and it’ll use scare tactics to accomplish this.

Fear is the driving force behind these roadblocks, and so it’s critical that you’re able to recognize them for what they are and have a counter-narrative planned when they arise. These thoughts are just that: Thoughts. And they are designed to keep you safe. Your mind isn’t trying to s

1. “I’m Too Old”

• The thought: “Am I too late to change careers, start something new, or shift my life direction?”
• Reality: Many people pivot successfully in their 30s, 40s, and beyond. Experience, perspective, and skills you’ve built are valuable assets. You’re not behind, you’re becoming who you’re meant to be.

2. “I Can’t Afford It”

• The thought: “I don’t have the money to retrain, start a project, or make a big change.”
• Reality: You don’t need a huge leap to start. Begin small: take a class, volunteer, test a hobby, or experiment on the side. Small investments can lead to big insights without risking your stability.

3. “What If I Fail?”

• The thought: “If I try something new and it doesn’t work, I’ll regret it or waste time.”
• Reality: Failure is feedback. Each experiment teaches you what aligns with your values and energy. Over time, this reduces risk and increases confidence.

4. Analysis Paralysis

• The thought: “I have to figure everything out perfectly before I act.”
• Reality: Reflection is important, but overthinking can stall progress. Combine introspection with small experiments. Taking small, meaningful actions will help you find your path. Don’t wait until you think you have the perfect answer.

5. External Pressure and Expectations

• The thought: “My family, friends, or colleagues expect me to stay on my current path.”
• Reality: Others’ opinions can be valuable, but they shouldn’t dictate your choices. When you align your decisions with your own values and energy, you build a life and career you can feel confident in.

Final Thoughts

Feeling stuck in your thirties or forties is not a sign of failure — it’s an invitation to realign. By looking inward first, understanding your energy, strengths, and values, and then evaluating opportunities through that lens, you can move with clarity and confidence.

The path isn’t always linear, and it doesn’t need to be perfect. Small, intentional actions and honest reflection create a life and career that truly fit who you are. Your next move isn’t about chasing the “right” job or milestone — it’s about designing a life that energizes, fulfills, and resonates with your truest self.

If any of this article resonated with you, I invite you to share your story below. I’d love to hear your thoughts, feedback, and any ideas you can pass on. Just know that as long as you’re growing and exploring, you will find your path.