Why I’m Throwing Out My Goals

I have precisely 29 days to lose ten pounds, quit alcohol for good, start a YouTube channel (on what? I haven’t decided), get famous, quit my corporate job and start a lucrative business.

It’s early December, and yet again I am already sitting with the disappointment of watching another year slink by feeling like I accomplished very little.

I know in many ways, this isn’t true.

This year, I got promoted at work, I read dozens of books, developed strong journaling habits, got significantly stronger (physically), reduced alcohol intake, increased efforts to see friends, re-decorated several rooms in my home, took up watercoloring, and reconnected with parts of myself that have been hidden for some time.

In reality, I’ve made more progress toward some of my goals than others. Yet, the biggest goals I’ve set for myself still seem untouchable and miles away. Sometimes they don’t even feel achievable.

I look at some of the goals I wrote down last year and wonder if I’ll ever achieve the kind of success that I envision for myself.

But what does that even mean? What does success ever really mean to anyone? What would it mean to me?

Yesterday, I was watching a YouTube video that made me rethink the concept of goal setting and achievement. In my core, I know that this method of thinking is more aligned with how I want to approach life. It helped me to step back and reframe what it is that I actually hope to achieve in life.

When Your Goals Don’t Match How You Want to Feel

Essentially, this YouTuber, Justin Sung, argues that most people are setting goals the wrong way. He suggests that sometimes the goal we’re setting is a “placeholder” for that feeling we want to achieve. This hit hard for me.

This YouTube video made me think about a conversation I had with my therapist. Over and over again, I’ve come to her telling her that I feel as though I’m living on the other side of the glass. Like I am not living fully aligned in my life, and like there’s something waiting for me on the other side. I feel lost, because I don’t have firm goals to run toward. That makes me feel uncomfortable, and worse, stagnant.

The Shift From Goal-Chasing to Embodiment

My therapist suggested that instead of chasing goals, I step back and consider what I want to embody. I felt stumped when she threw this one at me. What do I want to embody?

But over time, I started to realize that what she meant was: Who do I want to BE? Like not on the outside, but on the inside. Sounds kinda fluffy, but it’s something I can’t stop thinking about.

So often, we chase goals because of the way we expect them to make us feel, only to be disappointed when we finally achieve it and find that we don’t feel what we thought we would. This creates a sort of dissonance within us. I know for me, this has happened several times, and most notably when I became a police officer.

Frankly, I am scared to repeat the same mistakes of my past, my “youth.” I sometimes find myself playing it safe because of how little I trust that I will know what I really want.

What if I don’t really want to start a business? Do I really want to “get out of Corporate America?” What if I don’t really want to be a “creative”? Am I actually meant to climb the corporate ladder instead of being an entrepreneur?

Translation: What if I’m chasing goals that don’t actually make me feel how I want to feel?

So how do I plan on reconciling this? How do I even know how I want to feel? First, by considering my values (in the present). Next, engaging in value alignment.

How Value Alignment Creates a Clearer Path Forward

Value alignment, in the way I understand it, is the idea that you live your life with purpose and in a way that is aligned with your values.

With value alignment, it’s less important about the actual goals you achieve as it is how you’re living your life and following your set of values. In turn, your goals will reflect these values.

What even are my values? Is the next logical question. Fortunately, values can and often do shift over time. While there are certainly values that are constant anchors for us, it’s reasonable to assume that we’ll add and subtract certain values as we get older.

When I think about my personal values, I consider that I value creativity, freedom, independence, innovation, ingenuity, authenticity, love, comfort, peace, and nature. This isn’t an all-encompassing list, but you get the point. Maybe for you, it’s security, stability, family, and trust.

Starting today, I am committing to myself to continue to try to improve every day. But, before I put pressure on myself to achieve goals, I am going to consider what type of life I want to live.

A well-intended life is a well-lived life. In my core, I recognize this to be true. The best part is that there’s no wrong way to live an intended life. It’s flexible and rejects the traditional concept of goal-setting. Our intentions can change the more information we receive, and that’s ok.

But we do need a “north star.” To me, that’s our values and what we choose to embody.

My Commitment for the Last 29 Days of the Year

So as I sit here on a cold, December morning, with 29 days left of the calendar year, I am putting aside my goal list for now. Instead, I’m breaking out a notepad and considering: What kind of person do I want to be? What am I trying to feel? What are my values, and how can I best live aligned with these values?

I only have one month left until January 1. But hey, 29 days is 29 days. In this last month, I’m letting go of the somewhat arbitrary goals I had laid out in 2025. Instead, I’m going to focus my attention on what matters to me. My values, my north star, and considering the type of life I want to live.

Maybe I don’t need another 12-month plan. Or even another 3-month plan. Maybe I just need alignment, embodiment, and above all, intention.

In 2026, I have a feeling the rest will fall into place.

Does this resonate with you? If you also would like to toss out your goals, and lean into your values, consider checking out my article on identifying your core values.