Christmas Shopping Anxiety Is Real — Here’s What I’m Doing About It

My chest tightens as I comb through site after site, trying to find the best deals to pick the best presents for the most important people in my life.

Every year, on December 26th, I make a silent commitment to myself that I will only spend x amount of money and cut myself off from Christmas shopping. And every year, between Black Friday and Cyber Monday, I manage to blow past the invisible budget I set for myself.

I’ve made comments to my husband over the years, postulating why we can’t just buy ourselves $1k worth of gifts and call it good. That way, everyone knows they’re getting exactly what they want, and we skip this BS of buying gifts. He scoffs, as if this concept is an affront to all things good.

I feel a bit Grinch-y saying this, but I also can’t be the only one feeling this way.

I get it. Gifts are as much for the giver as they are the receiver. The act of picking out something for someone else is an intimate expression of how well you know the person and that you were thinking of them.

Giving gifts makes us feel good. Picking out gifts can even bring a similar amount of joy. We sit at our computers imagining how happy the other person will be when they open what we bought. We think about how they’ll respond, and how they’ll feel about us as they’re unwrapping. It should elicit warmth and happiness.

So why do I get an overwhelming amount of anxiety each year when it’s time to shop for Christmas gifts? It’s not all overwhelm, for sure, but typically on day three of spending I start feeling regretful, a bit nauseous, and pressured to keep going.

For me, I’ve distilled the stress around holiday shopping to four core things:

Why Holiday Shopping is So Damn Stressful

Financial strain.
Honestly, I hate the concept of being forced to drop a s*** ton of money at random every Christmas. Like hey, maybe I don’t want to spend my money on other people? Is that selfish? (Okay, maybe a little.) What if I didn’t accept gifts either? Either way, it feels cumbersome, and somehow unexpected even though it comes every single year.

Expectation of perfectionism.
I hate spending money in general, and so when I’m picking out a gift for someone, the worst thing I can imagine is that they won’t like it. It’s not so much the emotional aspect; it’s the fact that it was a waste of money. I tend to buy gifts for the same set of people, but it still seems that most years I miss the mark on a few items that probably amount to several hundred dollars.

Social pressures.
My mind inevitably fast-forwards to the family gatherings where someone else is buying me a gift. What are they getting me? Is it more expensive than what I picked out? Is it nicer? Does it speak to me more? Who is buying me gifts? There have been a number of years where I feel like I missed the mark on what I bought for someone. Maybe mine wasn’t as thoughtful or as expensive, or worse — I didn’t get them a gift at all.

Time limits on spending/buying.
I feel this one in my chest. Thanksgiving feels like the start of a race to the finish line. Trying to buy gifts until the clock on Cyber Monday strikes midnight. Trying to avoid the regret of missing a good sale. As someone who tends to be incredibly thoughtful and intentional with buying, this is the antithesis of all my spending habits.

So, as I sit here at my desk on Cyber Monday, with a ball of anxiety in my core, I consider what I — and we — can do to reduce the stress around holiday shopping.

How to Reduce Anxiety Around Holiday Shopping

Release Obligations

Firstly, it’s important to remember that we’re under no obligation to buy gifts. The whole point of a gift is that it’s supposed to be without strings. It’s not quid pro quo. So, you go to a party and someone buys you a gift you have nothing to exchange with? Okay. That’s life; it’s full of surprises. Maybe next year, in your travels during the year, consider picking them up a little something you can give around the holidays.

Stick to a Budget, Person by Person

Second, accept your budget. It can be easy to go hog wild with Christmas shopping. If you’re feeling strained for cash, then stop buying. Just stop. Your mom isn’t to love you any more or any less if you spend $100 instead of $150 on that gift. No one wants you to go broke around the holidays.

Don’t Fall Prey to Marketing and Sales Tactics

Third, it’s okay if you miss “steals.” Honestly, if you’re feeling pressured to buy all your gifts before the end of Cyber Monday, then the marketers are doing their job. While Black Friday and Cyber Monday offer great discounts, there are other rolling sales throughout the year. Moreover, most retailers extend Cyber Monday deals through the end of the first week in December. Don’t let the sales tactics drive you into an anxiety tailspin.

Cut Yourself Off by a Certain Date

Fourth, consider cutting yourself off not after a certain dollar figure, but after a certain date. For me, this means once I complete my Christmas shopping by x date, I’m not allowed to buy more. I find that my spending tends to get out of control because I buy, and I buy, and I buy for the entire month of December. This year, I’ve decided to implement this tactic and see how it feels.

Be Boring in Your Gift Choices

And lastly, if you’re worried they won’t like your gift, pick the dull but utilitarian option. Get them a nice pullover sweatshirt, a mug, a set of gloves. Think about the gifts that you open and say, “Huh, well, I can never have too many of these.” You can also consider a food-related gift like gourmet coffee or wine. Even if the recipient doesn’t drink wine or coffee, most people have houseguests who do.

Look, boring gifts are totally underrated. I’d take a boring, useful gift any day over some weird item that I’ll never use and that will end up in the back of my closet.

A Commitment to Holiday Joy

This holiday season, my commitment to myself is to not turn Christmas shopping into something miserable, but instead to set boundaries that allow me to feel joy. After all, Christmas isn’t supposed to be about the gifts as much as spending time with friends and family at the end of the year.

This year, on December 26, I’ll take an inventory of how I’m feeling and see if these boundaries helped, hurt, or did nothing at all for me. Until then, I hope that you have a wonderful and stress-free holiday season.

Remember, it’s not about the money you spend on the person, it’s about the thought that went into the gift!

If you have tactics that have worked for you to battle Christmas shopping anxiety, I hope you’ll share them in the comments!