How to Find Your Core Values: A Step-by-Step Guide to Leading a More Meaningful Life
KEY POINTS
- Your core values are the compass for every decision — clarity starts when you name them, not when you change your job, city, or partner.
- Values differ from beliefs: values drive your behavior and choices; beliefs are ideas that can shift over time.
- Use a six-step reflection process — from childhood memories to present goals — to identify 5–8 values that truly define you.
- Living in alignment with your values brings clearer decisions, deeper relationships, stronger habits, and a more grounded sense of meaning.
What are my core values, and how do I find them? In my mid-twenties, I didn’t even know to ask myself those questions, but if I had, everything might have changed much sooner.
If you feel lost, stuck, or like you’re just drifting through life, learning how to find your core values (and understanding why they matter) can change everything. In this article, I’ll share how I discovered mine, why core values are so important, and how you can uncover yours to feel aligned with who you really are.
By the time I turned twenty-five, I had lost myself. I was depressed, drinking too much, overweight, letting my graduate school grades slip, messy, unorganized, and barely keeping up with basic chores. I was living in a city that felt suffocating and had no way to claw myself out of the hole I had dug. Worst of all, I was regularly seeking toxic, incompatible partners to fill a void.
I knew I needed help but didn’t know where to start. I felt stuck and as if I were living someone else’s life (and not a good one, at that). So I spent the next few years on an almost soul-crushing mission to “find myself.”
This search took me across hundreds of miles of hiking trails, backpacking through Europe, moving four hours away to start fresh, becoming a police officer, and then tearing it all down to begin again. I kept looking to the world around me for an answer.
Why Core Values Matter More Than External Changes
Here’s the kicker: It didn’t need to be that complicated. All along, the answer was right in front of me.
If you’ve ever felt misaligned with your true self, like you’re just wandering through life, struggling to find your purpose, chances are you’re out of sync with your core values.
The truth is, we keep hoping the outside world — partners, jobs, hobbies, and new places — will realign us. But it won’t. The real answer isn’t out there; it’s inside you and always has been.
Your core values aren’t hidden. They’re waiting for you to notice, accept, and weave them into your life.
Once I finally named and accepted my core values (and yes, self-acceptance is crucial), my life began to shift in ways I had only hoped for.
In this article, I’ll show you what core values really are and how they differ from beliefs. I’ll share why naming them is so important, how to discover yours right now, and how to gently bring them into your daily life. There’s also a free worksheet to help you take the first small step.
What Are Core Values? (And How They’re Different from Beliefs)
Core values are your guiding principles. They motivate you to act, shape your decisions, and show you what truly matters. Simply put, your core values define what’s most important to you in life. They tend to remain stable over time, no matter how your environment changes.
Beliefs, on the other hand, are the ideas or assumptions you hold about the world and how it works. Beliefs can come from family, culture, religion, or education, and they often shift as you grow or have new experiences.
Core values run deeper than everyday likes or dislikes. They are big, steady themes like honesty, kindness, courage, family, or creativity. They are not just wishes or ideals — they are the steady threads running through your life, even when you forget to look for them.
Think of your core values as your north star and your lighthouse. They help you make daily choices and guide you back when you feel lost.
Why Core Values Matter
To lead a fulfilling, authentic, and meaningful life, you need to know your core values. These values reflect who you are and who you want to become. Living out of sync with them often creates friction, resentment, confusion, and burnout. That tension you feel when something seems “off” is often your mind and body reacting to this misalignment.
Aside from being a “north star,” values can be viewed as your bedrock, your roots. They are the foundation of your life, your purpose, your direction, and growth.
Recognizing your personal core values is critical for many reasons. First, it’s important to remember that your values are unique to you. Think of them like a fingerprint — no two people share exactly the same combination, degree, or order of importance. Resist the temptation to judge your values against others, or put a higher “price tag” on some values over others.
When you get clear on what truly matters to you, you unlock six big benefits: Clarity in decision-making, resilience, purpose, improved relationships, alignment in your career and hobbies, and better habits overall.
Let’s dig in a bit further:
1. Clarity in Decision-Making
Your core values give you a reliable filter for choices, big and small. With that inner compass, you’ll feel more secure in your decisions because they match your principles — which means fewer regrets and less second-guessing. Think of your values as bumpers in a bowling lane: they keep you on track and true to what really matters.
2. Resilience in the Face of Challenges
Life doesn’t always go as planned. Your values keep you steady when things get chaotic or uncertain. Think back to a time you faced adversity at work or in your personal life. What helped you push through probably wasn’t willpower alone — but a deep sense of what you stand for. That inner foundation makes you stronger and more grounded when life tests you.
3. A Sense of Purpose
Understanding your core values helps you invest your time and energy in what aligns with who you really are. Without that clarity, it’s easy to drift into choices and commitments that feel hollow. When you know your values, you build a life that feels authentic and worth showing up for, fully on your own terms.
4. Better Relationships
When you understand what matters most to you, you naturally attract and connect with people who share those values. Being around people who support your core beliefs creates stronger relationships, less conflict, and a deeper sense of belonging.
5. Aligned Activities and Career Paths
Your values can guide you toward hobbies, jobs, and lifestyles that feel satisfying and meaningful. For example, if creativity is a core value, you might thrive in careers or activities where you can express yourself. When your work aligns with your values, it feels less like a grind and more like a purpose.
6. Healthier Habits
Core values shape your daily routines and habits. If health is important to you, it’s easier to commit to exercise, eating well, or getting enough rest because these habits support what you truly care about. When your habits align with your values, they’re more sustainable and fulfilling.
How to Find Your Core Values – Six Easy Steps
So we’ve talked about what values are and why they matter, but how the heck do you figure out what your values actually are?
When focusing on what matters most to you, many of us can likely list dozens of themes and principles that we value. But finding your core values, the ones that are the true cornerstone of your authentic self, can be a bit more daunting to nail down.
Like most things in life, there’s no need to overcomplicate this either. Discovering your core values may not be easy, but it’s a simple process — you just have to take the time and energy to listen to yourself.
For some, the process is as simple as closing your eyes and reflecting on the past day, month, or year.
Some values may be readily apparent to you without much thought. Most likely, at least one or two will come to mind. For example, if you’re a parent, you may likely value “family.” If you’re an athlete, “health” may be a top value.
But there’s typically more under the surface, and that’s where the work comes in.
This process may involve journaling, meditation, or conversations with yourself (yes, that’s a thing!) and loved ones. While there’s no roadmap to understanding your core values, I can offer you a six step process that works for me.
1. Reflect back to your childhood — what were you naturally drawn to?
The magical thing about childhood is that, for most of us, it was a time when we acted instinctively on what felt fun, interesting, or right before we learned to filter ourselves for what others expect. When you look back, you can see what naturally energized you, what made you feel alive, and even what you avoided — all of which can point straight to core values you still carry today.
- If you were always picking up a camera to photograph the outdoors, that might tell you creativity and nature matter deeply to you.
- If you loved building forts with friends, maybe connection, imagination, or independence were there all along.
- If you were drawn to sports, maybe teamwork, competition, or discipline were early signs.
What lit you up before the world told you who to be often holds honest clues about who you really are — and what you still need to feel fulfilled.
Action item: Think of your favorite childhood activity. Write down three words to describe what you loved about it. How did it make you feel? What was one activity you wish you had continued into your adulthood, why?
2. Reflect on your peak moments
Think back to times in your life when you felt the most proud, accomplished, or at peace. What were you doing? Who were you with? Why did it feel so good? The moments that make us feel our best often align perfectly with our deepest values.
- Maybe you felt deeply proud graduating from school after working hard for years — pointing to perseverance, growth, or education as key values.
- Or you might remember a quiet moment hiking alone in nature, feeling completely at peace — which might highlight solitude, freedom, or connection to nature.
- Or maybe you think of helping a friend through a hard time — revealing loyalty, kindness, or service as important themes.
Your best moments shine a light on the principles that guide you at your best.
Action Item: List one or two moments you’re most proud of — and note the qualities or themes that made those moments so meaningful to you.
3. Reflect on moments you felt ashamed
This one isn’t fun, but it’s powerful. When we feel shame or deep regret, it often shows us a value we ignored. For example, I once rolled my eyes at someone behind their back. The embarrassment I felt later reminded me how much I care about respect and kindness.
- Maybe you told a lie and felt awful afterward. That could point to honesty as something you truly care about.
- Or maybe you gossiped about a friend and hated how it felt. That might reveal that loyalty or integrity matter deeply to you.
When you notice where you feel regret, you can see what you want to stand for instead.
Action item: Think of a time when you did something that felt out of character. What did you do? How did it make you feel? What value do you wish you had honored in that moment?
4. Think about who you admire
We naturally look up to people who show qualities we want in ourselves. The friends, mentors, or public figures you respect most often reflect your own core values.
- Maybe you admire your best friend’s loyalty, a coworker’s strong work ethic, or a public figure’s courage to stand up for what’s right.
- If you notice a theme — like honesty, fairness, or kindness — that’s a clue to what you care about too.
Action item: Write down three words that describe someone you admire deeply. What about them specifically do you admire? If you could soak up any of their traits, what would it or they be?
5. How would you like people to describe you at your best?
When people talk about you, what do you hope they say? Think about the words that would make you feel proud to hear. Maybe you’d love to be described as honest, funny, dependable, or strong. It can help to flip this too.
Which words would hurt if someone used them about you? If “untrustworthy” or “selfish” would sting, that points to trust and generosity being important to you.
Action item: Write down five words you’d love people to use when they describe you at your best. Don’t overthink this too much. They can be “superficial” or “deep.” Think about how people may describe you at work, at home, in private, as a friend, or in your personal endeavors.
6. Examine your Goals
Your goals can tell you a lot about what you value. Look at what you dream about and what you plan for your future.
- If you want to start a creative business, that points to creativity and freedom.
- If you hope to live close to nature and spend weekends outside, that shows you value adventure and a simple, natural life.
The dreams you return to again and again often share the same roots.
Action item: Make a short list of four big goals you care about right now. Don’t limit yourself. Pick at least one “stretch” goal (think BIG), one “short term” goal, and one mid-range goal (1-5 years out), and one long-term goal (lifetime achievements etc.). Look for themes that repeat — those are your core values in action.
Examples of Core Values
Now that you’ve taken some time to reflect on what values might be present in your life, take a moment to jot down every word that has come up for you. Don’t worry about narrowing anything down yet — just capture all the themes, feelings, and words that feel important.
If you’re wondering what are some examples of core values? Here’s a quick list to help spark ideas.
- Honesty
- Creativity
- Hard work
- Family
- Kindness to Strangers
- Health
- Freedom
- Justice
- Growth
- Compassion
- Beauty
- Loyalty
- Wealth
- Adventure
- Respect
Remember, these are just examples. There are no rules. They are YOUR values. Your list might include some of these or completely different words that feel true to you. The goal is to get a broad sense of what resonates with you personally before you start focusing in.
If you’re looking for a full list of the most common values, check out the downloadable PDF at the bottom of this article. Or, check out this comprehensive list here.
Core Values Vs. Peripheral Values vs. Aspirational Values
Now that you’ve had a chance to reflect, you want to think about putting your values into a few buckets. After going through this exercise, you may notice that not all values hold the same weight. For example, sure, you may value beauty or money, but does it really sit at the same level for you as family, honesty, or integrity? Likewise, maybe money is more important to you than adventure or creativity.
It’s critical to consider the difference between core values, peripheral values, and aspirational values, as each carry a different weight and meaning in your life.
1. Core Values:
As your north star, your bedrock, and your lighthouse – think about core values like your non-negotiables. The deep, guiding principles that shape your identity, decisions, and sense of meaning. They’re consistent across roles and seasons of life. Think: integrity, freedom, connection, growth.
2. Peripheral Values
These values still matter, but sometimes they can be more context based. For example, at work you may value efficiency and productivity, but from a grand life perspective this doesn’t sit at the top. Some values you hold aren’t necessarily essential to who you are. They could fade away, and your life would still hold meaning.
3. Aspirational Values
Some values, particularly those you admire in others, are the qualities you strive toward, even if they’re not yet fully lived out. These can eventually become core, especially during seasons of personal growth.
For example, if you admire those who are courageous, but right now you feel like you often take the path of comfort and avoid conflict, don’t beat yourself up. Courage may be an aspirational value, one that’s not fully embodied, but something you’re striving for. Over time, with work, this value could move from aspirational to core.
Below, I’ve shared with you the way I view Core, Peripheral, and Aspirational values. The first diagram has short descriptions, and the second diagram has a few examples to get you thinking.
How Many Core Values Should You Have?
Understanding core values helps you live more intentionally — choosing actions that reflect your true priorities, not just your current mood or environment. You may be asking yourself, how many core values should I have? How many core values are “too many?”
There’s no set number of core values you should have, but typically people find that between 5 and 8 core values provide a clear, focused foundation.
- Too few values might feel limiting or not fully represent who you are.
- Too many values can dilute your focus and make it harder to align your daily choices with what matters most.
Aim for a shortlist of values that truly capture the essence of who you are and what you stand for. These should be the themes you return to again and again, the principles you want to guide your decisions, shape your habits, and influence your relationships.
If you’re just starting out, don’t worry about picking the “perfect” list. Your understanding of your core values can grow and evolve over time, just like you do. Remember, this list is your compass, your north star, and your lighthouse. If you feel like you need to adjust your core value list to be more reflective of YOU, then no one is stopping you.
How to Live by Your Core Values – Five Tips
Now that you’ve taken the time to identify your core values, the first step is to write them down somewhere you’ll see often. Your ultimate goal should be to live in alignment with your core values. In order to accomplish this, they need to be in the forefront of your mind.
It could be in a journal, an email to yourself, or a simple notebook. Writing your values helps lock them into your mind and makes it easier to bring them into your daily life.
Having your core values in front of you also gives you a tool to turn to when life gets messy or you’re feeling out of sync. If you notice yourself feeling “off,” stressed, or disconnected, take a moment to check in with your values. Are your current actions reflecting what truly matters to you?
If you find you’re drifting away from your values, don’t beat yourself up. Values are anchors to keep you grounded, not prisons to hold you back. Sometimes drifting is a signal — either that you need to realign or that it’s time to reconsider what matters most.
Here are five tips that have helped me live by my core values and that I think can help you too:
1. Write down your values and Review Them
Keep your values visible and revisit them regularly. Values are like goals — we strive toward them daily and need regular reminders. No one else will remind you of what matters most but you.
2. Practice Self Affirmation
Once you’ve identified your values, write out 2-3 reasons why you identify with them. This is a process of self-affirmation, whereby you’re reminding yourself who you are to your core. This process will help you maintain a positive self image and cope with any “threats” to the self moving forward.
3. Use value mantras or simple reminders.
Short phrases like “Choose kindness today” can guide your actions when life gets hectic. These quick reminders bring your values into everyday moments and help steer your reactions.
4. Set boundaries that protect your values.
Don’t be afraid to say no to people, habits, or situations that pull you away from what’s important. Now that you know what you value, protect those things that support those values.
5. Practice mindfulness to catch when you’re out of alignment.
Pay attention to your feelings as signals. If you feel upset, angry, or anxious, pause and ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?” Often, the answers come when you take the time to listen
Bonus Tip: Be kind to yourself when you slip up.
Living your values isn’t about perfection. If you stray, treat yourself with compassion, learn from it, and keep moving forward. We can’t embody our values perfectly all day every day, but striving to stay aligned brings meaning and peace.
Conclusion: Bringing it All Together
Understanding your personal core values is the first and most important step toward leading a more fulfilling, purpose-driven life. If core values are the roots, then think about purpose like the trunk, and behaviors and emotions like the branches and leaves.
To build a meaningful life, you must first understand your values.
Many of us drift through our early years without ever naming our values, but that doesn’t mean they haven’t been guiding us all along. That’s the beautiful part of this process: even if you haven’t given much thought to your values before, they’ve been there the whole time.
By recognizing which core values matter most to you, you can start to see the world differently. Practice focusing on these values when you decide how to spend your time and who to spend it with. Core values can help free you from situations you want to leave behind, relationships that no longer serve you, or a job that just doesn’t feel right anymore.
Think of core values as your map and path when things get murky or unclear. They ground you, guide you, and help you create a life that feels true to who you are.
If you want more guidance on how to find your core values and live them, be sure to check out the companion workbook I’ve created for you. Simply enter your email below, confirm your email address, and then you’ll receive a copy of the Core Values Workbook. You can print it, or journal along side it. I hope you enjoy. Please leave me a comment if you thought this article or workbook were helpful!
Frequently Asked Questions About Core Values
Q1: What’s the difference between values and beliefs?
Values are stable principles that guide behavior; beliefs are ideas or assumptions that can change as you learn.
Q2: How Many Core Values Should I have
Try to get it down to 2, but most people land around 5 to 8. Fewer may feel too narrow, but too many dilutes focus. Think about what you’re willing to sacrifice for. In other words, if you value authenticity, perhaps you’re willing to sacrifice working on a project if it means going against what you believe in.
Q3: Can Core Values Change?
They’re quite stable, but your understanding and prioritization can evolve with life stages.
Q4: How do I Choose Between Two Values in Conflict?
Use a “values hierarchy.” In tough moments, ask which value you’d be proud to uphold a year from now.
Q5: What if My Work Starts to Conflict with My Values?
Start with boundary tweaks and task/role alignment; if misalignment persists, consider a role shift or exit plan.
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